Strangely Quiet

It’s a really strange feeling to wake up this morning and know I won’t see any FIS students today. We ‘graduated’ the seniors yesterday and then sent all of the students home for the summer. No more kids dropping by in the afternoon to check Facebook in my office or calls for me to pick up a Subway or stopping by my office to get candy. Weird.

I wouldn’t have believed how quickly I could fall for a group of students. There are so many tender souls lying just beneath the surface of tough exteriors and as I have dug in just a little, I’ve gotten to hear enormous stories of disillusionment, abandonment, alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual abuse and relationship infidelity among others. It’s not like I haven’t heard any of these issues before in youth ministry because I have.

I think the big difference between ‘American’ culture and the Indian culture is total disclosure. Non-Native kids have the same problems generally as Indians but pretend that they don’t. We don’t talk about the junk in our lives and pretend that issues aren’t going on even though they clearly are. A left-over “don’t ask-don’t tell” mentality from the Clinton era perhaps? I’m not sure. Maybe we just don’t discuss such things in “polite company.”

I have found with Native teenagers that they are much more open with their issues. They are not afraid to admit that they have an addiction or drug problem or about disclosing some of the situations that got them to that point. Last week after chapel was over, I had another one of those candid moments where kids just sat around talking about home life. They freely admitted that it is not unusual for the family to sit around getting high together or drinking until everyone has blacked out.

One of the hardest things for me to do this year has been not to see things only from my perspective but to consider cultural perspective as well. I have had to get out of that “polite company” sort of thinking because there are real issues going on here and I’m hearing about them. While I don’t condone kids getting high or wasted, it is a real challenge to counsel students about making bad decisions regarding substance abuse when that is so culturally rampant among their family groups. They simply have never known anything different.

Having said all of that, I think these kids have seen the negative consequences that these types of behaviors have brought on their families and long for someone to offer them something greater. I truly believe that they all desire something greater for themselves beyond getting wasted every day and being held back by limited reservation opportunities. They want more for themselves.

They may never admit that openly because, again, it’s not culturally acceptable for them. Yesterday at graduation I saw it in the pride of accomplishment and the self-worth that came with receiving a diploma. For some of them, it had taken years to get there and they were among the few in their families to have achieved that honor. Some will go on to college, unheard of in many of their families.

I’m an optimist. I pray that one life a t a time I can have an influence and make a difference by letting kids know there is so much more out there for them if they’ll chase after it.

ON THE ROAD

We’re just finishing out our first academic year at Flandreau Indian School. It is unbelievable that we have made it through our first winter in South Dakota (happily) and are witnessing our first crop of seniors graduating this week.

It’s exciting to hear about plans and for kids to begin to realize that there can be a future if they are willing to pursue it. There are so many opportunities available for Native Americans if they’re willing to check into them. Scholarships, financing and special programs are accessible at nearly any college that an Indian student could possibly be interested in. Hopefully, many realize their full potential and don't settle for life on the reservation that yields little opportunity for the longterm.

So you might ask. “What now? What are you doing all summer now that the students have all left?” We’re hitting the road visiting as many supporters as possible, educating about the Indian School and sharing our experiences with serving Indian students over the last eight months.

We will leave South Dakota on May 26 and head for the east coast where we hope to catch up with many old friends in the Hunterdon County, New Jersey area. I will return to South Dakota to attend the South Dakota Methodist Annual Methodist Conference on June 8 & 9 then will travel south to Sioux Falls to take part in the South Dakota Synod Assembly of the Lutheran Church on June 10 & 11. Back to New Jersey after that and we’ll head down the east coast visiting friends and making new relationships along the way.

We’ll eventually end up in Florida by the end of June where we have many previous connections from the last six years. We hope to be back in South Dakota by mid-July in time for the Flandreau Pow-wow.

Keep an eye out for us and if you’d like to get together with us please contact us. The support we received over the last year has been tremendous and we look forward to meeting up with many of you over the next couple of months.

Pebble In Our Shoe

Sometimes we cannot recognize our blessings because we are dwelling on the "pebble in our shoe" 

That was the statement I presented to my chapel students last Sunday asking them what they thought it meant. We were discussing gratitude and how we fail to experience the blessing because we’re so focused on the present instead of the larger picture.  They didn’t even hesitate to give an answer.

One answered and the others quickly agreed that Native Americans as a people cannot get past the fact that the white man took their lands. The government has since provided them with housing and food, places to live, education—you name it, it has been provided to them but ultimately it just returns to that one excuse of “Yeah but they stole our lands.”

It was really eye opening to me that this is still such a raw, open wound; so many generations later it has been handed down to the next age group that this is a wound that shouldn’t be allowed to heal. There wasn’t even any hesitation trying to think of an answer to this statement. I don’t know if it was really keen insight or if this is truly what all Indians are taught and believe.

By holding onto the past the Indians fail to recognize all that has been provided to them in order to move ahead as a people. By failing to forgive they are locking themselves in a place where hope is limited and opportunities are squandered.

I continually am telling kids that as Native Americans they have so many opportunities that they don’t even realize. One of the students was really stressing that her ACT scores weren’t high enough to get into the college she wanted. She was saying “My mom doesn’t even make $15,000 a year. How can I afford to go to college?” I looked at her and said, “You’re Native, your mom’s at the poverty level and you’re smart! Where do you want to go?” Talk about  getting every box checked for acceptance.

Continue to pray that the I, along with the rest of the staff of Flandreau Indian School, can influence kids to know that there are so many more opportunities beyond the reservation that do not include drinking and smoking away the rest of their lives. There are so many bright possibilities and God wants these lives to realize their full potential. 

WISDOM

“If only they were wise and would understand this and discern what their end will be!”

Deuteronomy 32:29

I have been wrestling lately with this idea of wisdom.  I’m not talking intelligence here because there is a vast difference between wisdom and intelligence. The dictionary definition of wisdom itself is: “knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action.” It’s not enough to merely possess knowledge but wisdom comes in the way that we apply what we've learned.

Why aren't we born with wisdom? Why can’t we have all of the knowledge and judgment necessary to navigate life early on instead of having to gain wisdom through experience? We go through life trying to figure things out and making observations. The wisest among us are those who have lived the longest although age does not necessarily guarantee wisdom. It’s what we learn along the way and what we take away from those experiences that point towards wisdom.  Do we learn from our mistakes or do we just repeat the same things over and over again failing to recognize where we might do things differently the next time?

As an adult, we all just want our children to “get it.” We watch as children make decisions that we know are going to cause pain or have far reaching consequences, yet when we offer instruction it’s disregarded or minimized as unimportant. It can be painful to watch as our kids repeat some of the same mistakes we’ve made, mistakes we are certain could have been avoided if “they would just have listened us” or “followed my advice.”

Growing older we begin to realize how all of the consequences of our decisions earlier in life shape and point the direction for the rest of our lives. Classes we’ve taken, grades we've received, reactions we've had to certain situations, decisions to go in one direction instead of another, how we chose to spend our time, who we chose to spend time with, etc. all have added up to who we became later in life. If we had skipped any of those learning moments, painful as some of them may be, we would have failed to become what we are today.

I listen to and counsel students on an ongoing basis and I desire for many of them to “just get it,” to avoid some of the mistakes that their parents or older siblings or friends have made and to choose a different path in order to avoid some of the heartache and disappointment that is sure to follow. I also have been at this youth ministry thing long enough to know that many do eventually get it and go on to do great things with their lives.

It’s about trust on my part that God knows exactly what He’s doing and that through experience He is shaping these young lives into exactly what He has intended all along.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”

Proverbs 1:5

License Plates

We gave up our final set of Florida license plates today so I guess it’s official; we’re South Dakota residents. The Indian School year is winding down. We are just a few weeks away from prom (held at the local casino) and graduation scheduled for a few weeks after that. It is amazing to think that we have been here almost a full school year already.

Someone asked me the other day if there have been any surprises in my ministry that I didn’t quite expect. The kids are pretty much what I anticipated although I probably couldn’t have foreseen the depth of the problems that many face. These kids are incredible: creative, funny and wanting to be loved, looking for purpose and finding their way in the world just like normal teenagers.

Unlike most American teenagers, however, they have already experienced a lifetime of dysfunction and pain that most people never will. They know poverty, abandonment, rape and incest, drug dependency, alcoholism and death plus a whole lot more. They have experienced it all firsthand.

I told my wife Kristen that if I was a brand new Youth Pastor this position probably would have crushed me under the enormity of the need. Having fifteen years’ experience prepared me to know the issues, but this is Youth Ministry at warp speed. 

Six months in and I have just scraped the surface. There is so much potential for the ministry that can happen here. I am just beginning to find a place on campus; people think to call me before an event or incident instead of me finding out about things afterward. I feel incredibly blessed to have been placed here by God and to be continually discovering how I can make a difference in the lives of teenagers. 

"...so it was thought..."

"Jesus was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph."

Luke 3:23

As I was reading this passage the other day, those four little words jumped off the page at me. “so it was thought.” How many times have I made assumptions about situations because of what I thought to be the truth? 

I think I know why people act a certain way or have the attitude that they have because of assumptions that I’ve made. They or may not be based in reality but in my mind it makes perfect sense. I have no real information that supports my position but I assume I know things based on what little I do know. 

As I work with students, I probably fall into this trap as well, thinking that I know what’s going on when I actually know nothing. I see students who don’t seem engaged in school or indifferent to relationships or angry for seemingly no reason. There are drug situations or drinking situations, even sex situations, and I think, “why can’t they just cut it out?”

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to justify behaviors. I know people can make choices to do something or not to do something. I also am becoming aware just how much actions are a desperate attempt to self-medicate and take away the pain that threatens to destroy. By not feeling anything, one can take away the pain even for just a little while.

What I eventually find out is that they have been abused as a child by a family member. Or perhaps a family member or friend committed suicide recently or died of a self-abusing behavior. There are incredible abandonment issues as adults around them move from one relationship to another ignoring the children who badly need them. They feel like no one cares and in many cases it’s true. There are disappointments beyond words when an adult has let them down yet again. They may even feel abandoned by God. “If God loves me why would He allow me to go through what I have gone through?”  

Another truth that struck me last week was that the “more I know the less I understand.” That is, even as I learn about situations, I have no experience that is even remotely similar to be able to relate. The most extreme situation I can imagine is further beyond anything that I could dream up. Pretty much all I can do is to listen and pray that God will comfort even as I have no understanding. I praise Him that He is a God of infinite knowledge even as I come to an understanding of my finite knowledge.

“Father, help me to remove what I think I know about a situation and let me be a source of comfort to those who are hurting. Remove judgment from my vocabulary and let me develop a spirit of compassion instead.”

HEY, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

I love when students come to check out our programs for the first time. So far this year we've had Bon-Fires, Twister, Root Beer Float nights, lots of Game Nights, Limbo, Gingerbread House making and Bingo, just naming a few. There is a lot of activity and laughter; these are some of my favorite times of ministry. Being able to witness kids enjoying themselves and having fun is one of my greatest joys in ministry. But by far, the greatest fulfillment for me is in the moments that come afterward in the unplanned times. These aren't the moments that I've planned in advance for but the stage has been set for them to occur.


I'll be cleaning up after an event and there will be all kinds of things to clean up in order to get the room back to being "livable." One or two students are hanging around helping out and inevitably one will say something like "Hey have you ever thought about..." or "How will I know if..." and the conversation will go from there usually developing a life of its own as it goes. Last night it began as "I'm not really into religion but I'm always open to new ideas." It's a sort of testing of the waters to see what my reaction will be. We're building trust with one another before we get any deeper.


These aren't huge profound moments for the most part but they usually lead to further conversations down the road. Many times the continued conversation will begin with "Hey, do you have a minute to talk with me about something?" That question inevitably comes as I'm headed out the door late for something or already staring at a full schedule. These usually are the conversations where we begin to share things that maybe have never been shared with anyone else...ever. 


I pray that I'll never be too busy to hear the hearts of students and continue to recognize those moments as opportunities from God.